I’ve been working on this for years; off and on, not daily. The thought balloon doesn’t read smoothly. Not yet. Eventually it will. Probably. Grammar and I have an uneasy relationship, especially when I’m twisting words around to suit a punchline. I want the words to sound natural, to read easily. Right now the thought balloon hurts my brain like a hard pea pressed into my back.
UPDATE: a rewrite on the monk’s thought balloon:
“How can I sleep?
“It feels like I’m on top of theory that will forever change our understanding of heredity.”